First Moves to Make Your Life Better

Merry-Go-Round Living

There is a way to live where in order to make your life better: you expect things outside of yourself to change. This is not the best way to live.

  • He/She needs to do something different to make your life better.
  • That situation affecting your life needs to change in order to make your life better.

Sometimes the situation does change or the other person changes but it is not as a result of something you do directly to address the real issue *within yourself.*  Sure, maybe you think finding a new job/new friend/new significant other to deal with that awful co-worker/awful friend/awful significant other will fix the problem. It will, but only for a little while. You may find you love your new job/new friend/new significant other and then inevitably, you will see the exact same problem arise in the new situation. This same pattern keeps repeating itself regularly in your life. You have changed your circumstances but you haven’t actually fixed the real issue *within yourself* and subsequently, how you project yourself into your world. This is called Merry-Go-Round living. Same shit, different day, different situation, different person. This requires you to look at your life and see the pattern.

The hard part to hear: In order to get off this Merry-Go-Round, you have to realize that nothing is going to get better until YOU get better. YOU have to change parts of YOU in order to make your life better and stop looking for others to do the changing. EVERYTHING in your world today was created and attracted by YOU. There is something within you that needs to be different and these ‘problems/issues/people’ keep showing up in your life repeatedly in order to help you to grow. The truly sucky part is that if you don’t learn the lesson now, the lesson will keep coming back at you harder and deeper and it will escalate more each time it goes around the Merry-Go-Round.

It is time to take responsibility for everything in your life… EVERYTHING. Even those things that make you cringe thinking YOU created THAT.


When you hear the word victimhood when it comes to self improvement, this is what it means: You think your problems aren’t YOUR fault; they are Aunt Mary’s fault, the system’s fault, Mommy’s fault, your boss’s fault, your neighbors fault, history’s fault, your co-worker’s fault, the government’s fault, that other driver’s fault, etc. “It is all THEIR fault and you are just the innocent victim…”

The hard part to hear: It isn’t their fault; it is YOUR fault.

This is something that should be taught in school under How to Live Life 101. You create everything in your life in order to learn and grow and get even better. Everything that appears in your life is here to help you even though it hurts sometimes. {Imagine learning that when you are in early grade school instead of 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 decades into your life.}

We need to start looking at problems as opportunities to grow even better instead of as opportunities to continue to spiral down even further. 


  1. Nothing gets better until you get better
  2. In order to get better, you need to pay attention to the patterns that are going on in your life.
  3. When you pay attention to the patterns, you will at the very least, be able to see a broad problem.
  4. When you see the problem, you need to start dissecting the problem to see what is at the core of the problem. What is lacking in you that needs to grow?
  5. When you find something, name it. All people are mirrors of ourselves. Even though it is hard to admit, what they do that makes your life miserable is something that you are doing to make someone else’s life miserable.  (Stop that shit!) Fix that shit.
  6. Make a plan to fix it. A plan that involves your personal growth; not things externally to change. You probably won’t know how to fix the problem 99% of the time so you need to look for a book or program or website that shows you how to fix that problem.
  7. This requires work and dedication on your part. Make it a priority and make the time in your life for it.
  8. Along the path, stop and notice how far you have come. You won’t notice it in fireworks aka instant gratification. The change will be slow and quite honestly, it won’t be easy. When something comes that slowly, you won’t notice the difference daily. It is only looking back at how your life was ‘last year’ that you will see the growth you desired.
  9. Be proud of the progress you have made. Be proud of the little things on a daily basis too. “I made this one small choice today that is a baby step on my road to self-improvement. I didn’t make this choice yesterday/last month/last year! I am so proud of my forward progress.”
  10. Growth never ends. Problems never go away. You just continue to get better and better as you get deeper and deeper into the layers of your issues. You also get content, happier and better able to deal with things in the future.

This is not easy and it takes effort and time. That may seem like a bad thing but in a year, I swear, if you make the effort and do the work, you will see the difference in your life. It is worth it. YOU are worth it.

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