Where Love Intertwines with Sex and Where it Doesn’t

Why are we so dependent upon another human being for the love we are ‘supposed’ to be able to give ourselves? Why do we look to others to fill this void through sex and attention? Why do we need this connection even if we love ourselves? Why do we fill this void with many during our lifetime and sometimes with many at the same time? Why, in desperation will we settle for less-than in order to get what we need? And heart-breaking-ly, why does love, passion and sex fade over time within each relationship? Why do we think sex equals love? How can we heal ourselves in Mind, Body & Soul in regards to love and sex? It seems as if this article barely touches upon the dynamics of these questions as there is so much more going on than what I discuss below. I don’t have the answers but at least I’m asking questions and addressing the issues that I am feeling compelled to discuss.

Generations of Fault

I sit before you a being who has looked at their past and seen where the patterns were created, and known the answers for years now. I also take responsibility for the good/not-so-good choices I made in the past that have made me who I am today. Yet, no matter how much I fill my cup of love from within, I still crave, desire, need, deserve and want the touch, love, care, trust, sex, compliments, approval, attraction and deep intimate emotional connection with another. I know why this is such a big issue for me. I know my birth parents didn’t tell me they loved me, didn’t hug me, didn’t tell me I was pretty, didn’t pay attention to me, didn’t praise me, didn’t care to listen to me, wished I would just be quiet, didn’t teach me enough about life and didn’t protect me enough. I also know that they learned these behaviors from their own horrible relationships [or lack of them] with their birth parents. {I forgive you.} I know that I tried to do better with my children but the current state of affairs with them shows I was just as bad as anyone; even though I tried so hard. {I love and forgive myself. Please forgive me.}  I see kids these days being showered with all the things I never received and I don’t see them any better off than my birth parents, myself or my children were. No matter what generation you are from, your parents could probably do no right. I saw my parents argue and wonder why they didn’t get divorced so they would be happier. I saw a friend grow up wishing her single mother wasn’t divorced. So when I became an adult, I was a single mother and she was the one who stayed married until her youngest was 18. It is a no win situation. No matter how much you try, it will never be enough for your children. At the end of the day, we need to just ask ourselves where we could have done better, do that better thing tomorrow, forgive ourselves for our mistakes of the past and realize that just like us, our birth parents were doing the best they could.

Sex as Love

The line between sex and love is as confusing as ever.  I recently saw this video where a therapist had first heard of a teenage girl who gave a teenage boy oral sex but didn’t like him enough to kiss him. I also saw a different video where a young woman voluntarily performed a weird sex act for a laugh. I gave sex daily to my first boyfriend because I thought that is what was supposed to happen in a loving relationship; even though I really didn’t want the sex to happen. Today… 30 years ago… All were subconscious cries for attention and acceptance and to be desired, and not knowing how to say no or that they could say no, feeling a sense of power and I’m sure many other reasons I know nothing about (or everything about.)

In the world of the uplifted Divine Feminine, sex is supposed to be a sacred act where connection, mutual interest, the upliftment of the sacred receiving vessel called woman is prioritized, and where female orgasms are cherished/prioritized/valued as just as important as a males orgasm. Where a woman is fully open to receive and a man is fully willing to give more than just his erect penis. Where a man is aroused by seeing and a woman is aroused by touch. Where the exchange of energy is mutual, equal and beneficial for both. This is a world I want to live in.

Does every female have to go through 30 years of confusion, mistakes and ‘meh’ in order to realize what she really wants, deserves and needs? How do we teach our daughters to only accept being cherished sexually and our sons not to be only selfishly wanting of only their orgasm? How do we teach them that performing sexually in ways that aren’t uplifting, aren’t healthy? How do we tell them that porn, prostitutes and strippers are not how every woman or man should act like or look like? How do you even bring these conversation up? You could never see your son or daughter as a stripper or prostitute or porn star, but aren’t all those strippers, prostitutes and porn stars the sons and daughters of someone? If you want different for your children, you have to find the way to have the hard conversations with them; not your spouse: but you. Don’t you wish your parents had found a way to have the conversation with you? I wish mine had. It may have lessened some of the 30 years of ‘if I give you sex, surely you’ll give me the kind of love I so desperately want’ mistake. At the very least, look at your ‘stories’ and see how you can improve your love and sex life moving forward. If you want, send you adult children this article and tell them you did the best you could and ask them for forgiveness.

Energetic Connections

Whether you believe it or not, with every sexual act, an energetic connection (cord) is formed between the two people. This energetic connection can be beneficial in mutually giving and receiving relationships but detrimental when one person just takes and takes and takes. Energy is moved from the giver to the taker at an unequal and unfair rate. These energetic connections aren’t magically dissolved when you break up with someone. They stay until you remove them on an energetic level. You could be 60 years old and still be giving your energy to that horrible person from 40 years ago that is no longer in your life. This fact alone should have everyone upgrading their sex life. Add this energetic connection in the mix with lust, passion, love, hormones, the desire to receive love/acceptance, the desire to please, the want of orgasmic release and it is no wonder that the line between sex and love is so blurred. Then as the relationship moves through time, throw in a little I don’t trust you that much, you hurt me when you said/did this to me, I’m not giving you what you want/need and you aren’t giving me what I want/need, and the intimate act of sex becomes less intimate and more a playing field for physical fulfillment and a battlefield; instead of the sacred act of union it should be. {I am guilty of this} Things are not only FUBAR on a physical level, but emotionally, mentally, on a soul level and energetically as well.

All these old, unfair, unfruitful ways of thinking, believing, and acting need to change within everyone to change this world and the world of our future generations; and that change begins with you.

I’m not a prude and I sure as hell don’t want sex to be boring but for me, it has to be about more than just a physical act where one person’s needs are put above another’s. Where men get to see what turns them on when their goddess is standing before them in thigh highs and where women get to feel what turns them on when they are touched, adored, cherished and loved.

Make me your Queen as I make you my King.

(c) words and image: Mariposa Evolution, written on 08.24.17

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